Up here in the AK

I flew UP to Alaska and surprised my Tanner!

please hold.....

(weheartit.com)

"your phone call is really important to us, PLEASE HOLD"
Oh i hate you EXPEDIA for making me wait over 5 hrs ON HOLD. Ridiculous?? YES.
Im trying to book a flight to him and it really is a nightmare at this point. Have 3 cancelled trips=credit+cancellation fees..... MESS

i love you

bahahaha to call myself an artist would be a joke,
a L-O-L, complete joke.
I was looking at Tanner's blog earlier and just started crying. I miss this fellow, I miss him so much. And I love that by looking at his blog, our photos, I can see real love. I went to his blog, pretending to be a stranger, and instantly could see that the people in the photos were in so real love.

this love is so real.
I see it outside of me
then I feel everything
& realize its all mine
cause you gave it to me.
I love you.

another attempt at a sketch of us. its been so long since ive practiced my sketching skills. tis obvious...... but i decided it was time i use the lovely sketch booklet Apey(sister 2) made me.
it took me so long to decide what exactly to use this bookie for. What better than something i want to cherish for the rest of my life?

sexxxy canoe pusher

How many people can say their boyfriend/fiance is a sexxxy canoe pusher @ the PCC? I know of 1 right now and that 1 is ME!

SO DANG LUCKY!!

i stole the last 2 photos from laceys fbook

band-aid up

this has taken the place of my tubie. i missed tubie for about 10 secs then realized i would no longer have to walk around with my hand to my belly. No longer have to worry about it getting caught anywhere. No longer have a weird thing hanging out of my belly. I still tend to hold my hand to my belly, out of habit i suppose. Now its just a little hole that has filled with yuckiness but its healing. i like to call it my hole. lol.
Monday is the day my beloved doctor had me lay on the table and warned me it would hurt for exactly 15 secs as he yanked my drain out really fast and i yelled. My older sister Ashlie was in the room with baby Anderson. She told me I sounded like an old woman in labor. So embarrassing. I use to like to think I was such a tough woman. Now Im just a pansy.


Today is a better day than last night. I feel so refreshed, clean(thanks to finally showering again) and a lot stronger. Im really upset with myself for wanting to give up and for being such a brat. I have been given way too much to easily let this trial overcome me. Shame, shame... But i will do better. I will be faithful and patient.

Ps. My Love is now in Alaska. I hope to join him ASAP.
Its been wayyyyy too long for me
I love Tanner

i use to think

i use to think that i knew so many things.
now i feel like i know nothing at all.
maybe just a few things i suppose.






exactly a year ago i came home from byu-idaho. i was sooo excited to come home, soooo excited about the great things i learned, to show it all to everyone. i was studying photography, i wanted to be a fashion photographer, and i wanted to continue hand painting b&w photos and i wanted tons and tons of fun, glamorous photo shoots with the sisters.
now i feel like a mess. i haven't picked up a camera in so long, it depresses me, it hurts. but i just can't do it. now i know nothing of nothing. it really freaks me out. a semester without school can really kill the soul. i no longer know what i am going to do with myself. i soon will marry a man and what will i have to offer him?

dreaming of Hawaii

My mother keeps sending me photos of my lover.
How unfair is it that my family is in Hawaii, spending time with MY BOYFRIEND?? Not fair at all.

appendicitus :/

This is me a week ago...(right before surgery)
Last Saturday I had surgery for my ruptured appendix. If there is anyway I would like to describe everything I went through I would like to use the word hell. And I hope to never, EVER, have to go through something like this, with no rewards. But the truth is, there was a reward in this whole sha-bang, my life. Before going into surgery I met my doctor, exchanged words and questions and he informed me that it appeared that my appendix had ruptured 5 days before I was admitted into the hospital. The insane thing about all this was that I didn't really experience excruciating pain until I decided to go the ER to see what the heck was going on with my body. Below is the result. Huge, gasey belly, with a tube and bottle hanging out. Hopefully by Monday Dr can take it out.

Today was pretty successful for me. You see, I haven't had a real or decent shower for over a week, so i decided to attempt a shower and washing my hair. The beautiful word, SUCCESS, is definitely the word to describe this experience. All thanks to....

I wrapped my belly in reynold's rose saran wrap! Because when I'm standing or walking around I have to use one of my hands to keep my tubie/bottle to my body. Saran wrap is now my best friend. And it stayed on pretty tight through my entire shower, I even got to shave my legs!

-So I missed my trip to Hawaii....
And Alaska trip=post-pone :(
many, many days till i get to see tanner